Pain in Peace

Adenomyosis often reminds me in many ways that it’s very much a part of my everyday life.

Whether it’s affecting my pre-period cramps, actual period cramps, causing every day consistent heavy throbbing, hot flashes, brain fog, vomiting, loss of appetite leading to weight fluctuations, and/or contributing to back, hip, and thigh pains, Adenomyosis is always there. I’ve either become impervious to other types of pain this condition has caused in the past or my routine since my diagnosis has helped. That’s cool and all but that only covers about 25% of me “taking back control”. There’s still that 75% that I haven’t mastered…yet. That 75% still has a way of overtaking my mental, emotional, and physical because no matter how many times I’ve endured, I can never prepare myself for what I’m going to feel. I’ve never felt anything like it and I have a very high tolerance for pain. I promise, shots, needles, tattoos, piercings, nor burning the skin off my forehead from a curling iron can compare.

When I explained my Adenomyosis symptoms to western and eastern doctors, elaborating on my worst phase, pre-period and period, they all told me that it sounds like I’m describing child labor. Now, I’m not a mother, yet, so I do not know what labor feels like. From what I understand no woman wants to be in labor longer than they need to be. If you’re a mother, imagine being in labor for at least five days straight…without an epidural. Yeah, that’s my life.

I try to mask my pain when my people need me. Sometimes I even have to miss important dates and celebrations. I don’t want anyone to see me in that state but mainly because it hurts me to see their helpless faces. There is nothing any one can do to stop the pain. There’s barely anything that I can do to ease it. However, I fight every day for a strong mental and emotional state so my body has support to overcome its challenge: Adenomyosis.